Ben and I have been together for 10 years and married 9. These have been the most wonderful years of my life. Ben is wise, gentle and strong. He has proven to be the priest of our home and has done such an admirable job of leading us all down the right path with the help and reliance on the Holy Spirit. He is my side-kick, partner in crime and ultimately my best friend. Over the years we have had to work at our relationship… mostly work at understanding each other. When you come from 2 completely different back grounds and upbringings it can sometimes be very difficult to understand a person and why they do what they do or why they are the way they are. We have spent some time learning to listen to one another and have managed gather feedback from one another and apply it to our lives as a couple. I can honestly say that we have grown to love each other more and more over the years. Its amazing how two people can grow together and grow up together as one. Ben was 21 when we got married and I was 23. In a lot of ways we were young. We had to learn a lot about adulthood and about relationships. With Ben being my first real boyfriend, I had to learn even more. As we celebrate 9 years of marriage I would like to share 3 keys with you all that I think has led to the strengthening of our bond as the years go by.
3 Keys To Marriage Success: The 3 C’s
- The first thing that comes to mind is communication. I don’t think that I can stress this enough. A breakdown of communication has been the source of a lot of frustrations between Ben and I and it simply stems from not being on the same page and simple misunderstandings. I am no marriage expert so please hear me as I share, I am just merely explaining what we have experienced. Talk through it. Walk through it. Listen. Listening is just as important as speaking. If you don’t talk about different topics or issues that have offended you, your heart can quickly become bitter and that is where walls begin to form. As walls form it creates space between you and your spouse. Early on in our marriage, Ben and I decided to go to marriage counseling. I found it sooo helpful to have a third party help me be understood and learn how to understand my husband. If there is a topic in your marriage that you both can’t seem to come to a common agreement on, I highly recommend inviting a trusted, non-biased third party into your space. Whether that be through counseling or an older, more wise couple you look up to, this can be key to succeeding in your marriage and clearly communicating with one another. We no longer go to marriage counseling regularly, but we continue to seek out advice as needed and have formed a communication style that seems to work for us.
- Connection: Whether this is a simple date night, a romantic dinner or intimacy, connection with your spouse is one of the most important things for a healthy marriage. I feel like I am a little needy… I require daily connection with Ben. Thankfully he is a really good tester but every night before bed I want to connect. I want to hear about his day, what he is thinking, what he is stressed about and then he gets to listen to me! My issues always outweigh his LOL!! We have a few shows that we love to watch together but prior to zoning out I love to talk!! Heading into our 10th year of marriage we don’t require monthly getaways or anything but we do like to do weekly date nights, even if they are at home! I think there is something really powerful about setting time aside for one another and saying “I choose you.” Putting phones away and just focusing on the other person. I will be the first to say that connection looks different for every couple, but it is important. Find a way to connect and work at it! It will keep you unified and aware of where the other person is at!
- Creativity: This is not a strong point for me. I like to keep things the way I am used to them being… Ben has a strong sense of adventure and it actually gives me anxiety! At the same time, I feel like when we get creative in our relationship, venture out, try something new, make an extra effort, it rekindles fires and keeps things interesting and exciting. For me it increases the trust I have in Ben… often times I am the one needing to be stretched. To be more specific, he likes to actually do things for dates, not just have a nice meal and drinks… Golf, bowl, any sport really he would call a great date night! For vacations he likes to do water sports, hike, visit caves, see the country, be creative! I like simplicity and norm…In all relationships, meeting the other person half way is also so key to success. I am learning to be more creative in our relationship. There is nothing more beautiful than growing together.
I am sure that in ten years I will have a lot more to say about these 3 C’s but for now this is what I have to share. We are a work in progress but I wouldn’t want to be on this journey with anyone else!! Happy anniversary Benjamin!! Thanks for forcing me to grow up and helping make me a better person. Love you deep, big and wide. Thanks as always for stopping by the blog!! Have an amazing rest of your week!!
Photos By Nicole Quiroz