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Coffee Date Vol. 8: People Pleasing Vs. Inspired Leadership

November 29, 2017 By Ruthie Ridley 21 Comments

 

I feel like my coffee dates are getting increasingly intense! Ha! They aren’t I promise.  I just have had so much going on in my heart that I feel like this is the perfect space and time to share.  You can find last month’s coffee date here. My hope in sharing is that many of you can relate to what I am saying.  A few months ago I wrote a post about “Fear Of Man” also, what I would relate to as people pleasing out of a motive of fear.  Since then, I feel like I have grown and changed a lot.  I want to share a bit of the contrast between a people pleaser and an inspired leader.  I will be honest and say that I can often lean more towards the side of people pleasing but have made a HUGE effort in recent months to be a true inspired leader.

People Pleaser:

  • Eager to agree with others.
  • Trouble saying no or setting limits
  • They have a tendency to not accept genuine praise or feedback
  • They put themselves on the back burner and sacrifice their own needs for others
  • Difficulty being honest about how they really feel
  • Can see from anybody’s point of view
  • They fear people will stop liking or respecting them if they don’t to agree to others requests
  • Can be very sensitive to criticism

Inspired Leader:

  • These are people who have boundaries
  • Honest and transparent in conversation
  • They live with vision and integrity
  • They have a balance of action and reflection when it comes to decision making
  • They are decisive and facilitate solutions well with others
  • They inspire others to be leaders
  • They stay true to their beliefs
  • Constantly looking to grow and be a better individual regardless of what people are doing around them

Now that I have kind of broken down attributes of both kinds of people, which one are you?  It’s funny, as I was doing my research, reading and learning about this topic, I would write down people pleasing attributes and thought, oh dear, that can totally be me! As I stated earlier I can definitely lean more toward a people pleaser.  I love people.  I want people to be happy and I don’t want them to be upset with me.  What I am learning however, is that no matter what I am going to offend or upset someone.  It cannot be avoided.  My happiness, well-being and growth is equally as important to yours but no one can take care of me, but me. Does that make sense? I am learning the hard way that leadership requires boundaries, balance, sometimes offending others and putting oneself first from time to time. This is good, its how we grow, its how we lead and make lasting impact on this world.  We cannot pursue and fulfill our dreams if we are too busy trying to take care of everyone else.  Let me know your thoughts on all of this! I am a work in progress!

 

Ph: Nicole Quiroz Photography

 


Filed Under: Life Tagged With: growth, leadership, people pleasing, personalities

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Maggie says

    November 30, 2017 at 6:14 am

    What a great post! It definitely made me think about which category I fall into!

  2. Jessica says

    November 30, 2017 at 6:27 am

    I love this! You are DEFINITIVELY a leader in our blogging community! And someone who inspires me!

    xo Jessica
    http://www.whatsfordinneresq.com

  3. Emily anne says

    November 30, 2017 at 7:40 am

    Such a great post that really made me think!

  4. Sarah Lindner says

    November 30, 2017 at 8:38 am

    Such a great post! You are def a boss and a leader girl!

    xoxo
    Sarah Lindner
    http://www.thehouseofsequins.com

  5. Mary says

    November 30, 2017 at 4:54 pm

    Really good stuff, RuthiE! I’ve been learning so much about the difference between the two as well. it can be quite disOrienting at times but tHe growth and character building that follows is powerful!

    Xxx,
    Mary

  6. Lauren Sheriff says

    November 30, 2017 at 8:01 pm

    Ohh this is challenging for me! I think i’m a mix of both and it depends on the person/situation!

    Lauren
    https://www.basicbabelauren.com

  7. Stephani says

    November 30, 2017 at 8:10 pm

    This eye Opening. I am defintely a people pleaser but also an inspired leader ! Thanks for sharing this!

    Xo, steph

  8. Kileen says

    December 1, 2017 at 3:03 am

    WOw this is such an interesting topic. I think sometimes we think that being an inspired leader, you must be a people pleaser- but I see that it is quite the opposite. Thanks for the perspective, I am trying to be a more inspired leader!

    Kileen
    cute & little

  9. Stephanie Whitman says

    December 1, 2017 at 5:35 am

    Wow, this was an excellent post, Ruthie! Thank you so much for sharing. It made me really consider how I was living out my day-to-day life and relating with others. I need to work on growing more as a leader rather than just a people-pleaser! You’re such an inspiration!

  10. Tiffany nicole says

    December 1, 2017 at 4:39 pm

    It’s always amazing to me how many people don’t understand the characteristics of a true leader. it doesn’t mean that you please everyone… it just means that you have the ability to inspire them to action. great post

  11. Abby Darlington says

    December 2, 2017 at 5:19 am

    Hi Ruthie-

    I relate to this so much, i too am a bit of a people pleaser. I think it has some positive effects, like usually it means we do indeed get along with the mass majority of people. However, I agree that in order to fulfill our own dreams we cant be held back by the need to apease someone else.

    great post!
    abby

  12. angelle Marix says

    December 3, 2017 at 5:16 pm

    AHH, I LOVE you!!! This is so good!!! i use be a people pleaser. God’s love wrecked my world and made me realize that I can never truly please man. girl, setting boundaries has changed me and my view about relationships!!!! YOu are a beautiful soul. Don’t ever question that!!

    xoxo,
    Angelle
    http://www.dashingdarlin.com

  13. Ashley says

    December 3, 2017 at 8:37 pm

    What an eye opening post! I t was very interesting seeing these two types broken down side by side!

  14. Annette Dattilo says

    December 4, 2017 at 6:54 am

    Great post. I am a mixture of both for sure.

  15. Debbie Savage says

    December 5, 2017 at 8:17 pm

    I am definitely a mixture of both! I can’t help it but i am making strides for a better me. i love self-reflective posts and this one really hits home!

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    December 20, 2020 at 2:26 pm

    Hi there! Nice stuff, do keep me posted when you post again something like this!

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Ruthie Ridley Blog was established in January of 2015 out of a strong desire to have a place for creative expression both with her love for all things fashion and deep faith in Christ. Ruthie loves classic, timeless style with a side of fun, flirty flair! Faith and family is the foundation of her life where everything she does flows out from. She believes that with hard work and chasing big dreams, anything can be achieved!

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I’ll go first!! Earlier this week I was just thinking about how faithful God has been to me over the years! I think we all go through different highs and lows, but it’s so good to stop and look back and remember what God has done! 

Back in 2008 when Ben and I just got married, the market had crashed. I had purchased a home on my own in CT- We lost the house and our cars were repossessed - I honestly felt like we would never recover from that!!! Not to mention, I felt so much failure and shame attached to that season!

Fast-forward to 2019, we begin working with our dear friend  @cody.d.williams  on purchasing our very first home together and he told us all the work that needed to be done with our credit,etc. we took a year and did everything we could to get things right! Not only were we able to purchase our first home together in 2019, but everything from the past was no longer a factor & two years later we were able to purchase an even more magnificent property that we now call home 🏡 

Why was this a miracle for me? I think because I thought we would always be behind & nothing would ever change. We rented for 7+ years before we were able to purchase a home as a married couple and that started to discourage me! 

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Happy for Ava girl!!! She deserves it 🥹. Also h Happy for Ava girl!!! She deserves it 🥹. Also happy for me 😝. I need help with this cab service I’ve been running the last few years!!!! We got her a 2008 Honda Civic!! Should last her a few years! What was your very first car?! Mine was a 1989 Toyota Corolla 🚗😍 @ava_ridley09
Posts that stopped my scroll this week 😌. Which Posts that stopped my scroll this week 😌. Which one resonates with you the most? 🤍
Ready for any summer vacation in these stunning bl Ready for any summer vacation in these stunning blues💙!! Which dress is your favorite?! Comment DRESS for a link to these pieces!! @lovechicos #SummerDresses #ChicosPartner
Forever grateful to call these beautiful humans mi Forever grateful to call these beautiful humans mine😌Thank you, Jesus for the gift 💫Also, Happy Mother’s Day to my incredible mom 🥹🤩🫶🏾… there is not another more loving and selfless than you✨. Happy Mother’s Day to all the incredible moms out there🌸
Me out here on a Monday trying to shine bright lik Me out here on a Monday trying to shine bright like a diamond 💎 because I literally lost mine this weekend 😳!!! (Swipe left to see💔) No lie, my diamond fell out of the prongs at Savannah’s 🏐 tournament, and I couldn’t find it! Get your diamonds, checked ladies!! I am really sad about it, but it could definitely be worse! I’ve had that beautiful ring for 18 years and I never got it checked! We will get it fixed eventually! @bmridley the ring 💍 is broke but it’s you and me forever baby ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

In other news, this super cute dress is $15🤯!! Comment DRESS to get deets to this entire look ❤️‍🔥💥🫶🏾✨😌😍😘
✨APRIL✨ was a “Beautiful Mess”😌 Showing ✨APRIL✨ was a “Beautiful Mess”😌 Showing you all the of the beautiful… I don’t have any pictures of the mess 😝!!! “But in all things we give THANKS!” 1 Thess. 5:18 ❤️‍🔥 (Comment “SHOP” for links to any of my looks)
1. Just because 🧡💁🏾‍♀️
2. Happy 72nd birthday to my dad 🎉
3. Date night with my boo 🤍
4. J is getting very tall 😭
5. Card games and chats with @mealigrace 🩷
6. @ava_ridley09 ⚽️❤️‍🔥💥
7. Family sideline fun 😌
8. Sav’s amazing 🏐 team in a tournament ✨
9. Happy birthday @nataliekresge 🥳
10. Big tournament win for J and his team 🏆
11. Extra grateful for @overcome_fitnesscp in this season 🫶🏾
12. Happy birthday @sethdavid 🥳!! Happy 20th anniversary @deborahgiles @daniel_giles ❤️‍🔥
13. 🦆 on my favorite walk around the lake🤎
14. @ava_ridley09 award ceremony for life fitness. Currently squatting 205 🏋️‍♀️💪🏾
15. Brunch + prayer with these 💎 
16. @hiforrest concert for J with his best bud for his 13th!! @delani_eden you’re the best 😍
17.  @carlygulinomay & I Adventuring with our kids over Spring break🩷
In today’s episode🎙️we are talking about th In today’s episode🎙️we are talking about the power of discipline & the key to unlocking both long-term and short-term goals🚀
We truly believe that everything you want in life is on the other side of the hard and uncomfortable!!! 😌
🎧 Listen now on Apple Podcasts & Spotify or tap the link in our bio! #TheGoodStuffPodcast #Discipline #GrowthMindset #PodcastEpisode
WHAT IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST MIRACLES YOU HAVE EVER WHAT IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST MIRACLES YOU HAVE EVER WITNESSED GOD DO IN YOUR LIFE?!✨🫶🏾🕊️❤️‍🔥🙌🏾🙏🏾🤍

I’ll go first!! Earlier this week I was just thinking about how faithful God has been to me over the years! I think we all go through different highs and lows, but it’s so good to stop and look back and remember what God has done! 

Back in 2008 when Ben and I just got married, the market had crashed. I had purchased a home on my own in CT- We lost the house and our cars were repossessed - I honestly felt like we would never recover from that!!! Not to mention, I felt so much failure and shame attached to that season!

Fast-forward to 2019, we begin working with our dear friend  @cody.d.williams  on purchasing our very first home together and he told us all the work that needed to be done with our credit,etc. we took a year and did everything we could to get things right! Not only were we able to purchase our first home together in 2019, but everything from the past was no longer a factor & two years later we were able to purchase an even more magnificent property that we now call home 🏡 

Why was this a miracle for me? I think because I thought we would always be behind & nothing would ever change. We rented for 7+ years before we were able to purchase a home as a married couple and that started to discourage me! 

Just a reminder that little miracles happen everyday and that your worst is never the worst.  God can turn your situation around in a moment!!! The BEST is yet to COME!!! Keep believing ⭐️
Join us for a fun and inspiring conversation with Join us for a fun and inspiring conversation with our good friend @beckyfoxjohnson as we talk about navigating life as a strong female leader!!!💛
Becky is a phenomenal example of pioneering in spaces without a clear roadmap, breaking barriers, and leading with confidence!
🎧 Listen now on Apple Podcasts & Spotify or tap the link in our bio! #TheGoodStuffPodcast #WomenInLeadership #Trailblazer #PodcastEpisode
Thankful for the Cross ✝️!!! Happy Easter from Thankful for the Cross ✝️!!! Happy Easter from our fam to yours 🤍✨🕊️😘 + a little throwback to Easter 2012 just because 🥰
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